Where I Was…

This won’t be long.

I was only 12 years-old. I was still in foster care. I sat on the floor of my bedroom looking up at my T.V., tears streaming down my face. I hated this place, the system, the government. I could understand why someone would go into a social services building and blow it up: they facilitated child abuse. In fact, I prayed for it daily. So when I saw an real act of terrorism, I couldn’t understand. These were children, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives. These were innocent bystanders. These were fire-fighters, soldiers, police officers. These were people who were in love. And I was a little girl at home, hundreds of miles away, feeling like the rubble was crushing my body. Feeling like it was me that I saw jumping out of the windows. I don’t remember the news channel I was watching. I don’t remember the name of the family I was with. But I remember sitting on my heels in front of the dresser that held my T.V. I remember wishing I could hug my mother, because she would have never let me see this, or know about this until I was older. I remember the overwhelming feeling. I didn’t know anyone from that horrible day. But I know that a girl that died could have been my best friend, one of the boys might have been my husband, one of the women could have been my mother in law, one of those fire-fighters might have fathered my future daughters in law. That’s what I thought. I felt like part of my life was being stolen from me and so many others before we ever knew it was ours. My heart goes out to those who lost someone. To those who lost many. I know my husband puts his uniform on everyday so that this never happens to us again. I know I was a little girl that day, with no connection to anything, but know that day, and today, I was with you; I am with you.

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All Mine!

Just because he is sexy and I love him.

Army Wife Blundering

My goal is to be like Claudia Joy Holden: Loving mother, supportive wife, successful college student, FRG president. Right now I’m like Roxie LeBlanc: shotgun wedding, living on post, baby-father drama, and I don’t even have a Hump Bar! I am, however, a loving mother,  a college student (success to be determined) and hopefully, come September 5th I’ll be FRG President, too. As for the supportive wife part, I’M TRYING. It’s actually a LOT harder than it sounds.

To love someone so much, we bump heads a lot. Right now, we are in the “Pamela and Chase pre-divorce” stage of our marriage. But I don’t believe in divorce. That sucker is stuck with me forever. He does whatever the heck he wants; apparently, I’m controlling and sometimes emasculating. Those weren’t the exact words he used but that is what I got out of it.  How to be supportive: I have no fricking clue.

How can I support a unit that keeps my husband away from home almost EVERY DAY for 14-18 hours a day? How can I support a husband who would rather play EVEonline than have a conversation with me most times? Don’t get me wrong, I love the Army and I love my husband; sometimes, I just want to kick their butts, though.

So I have recently been called to be the secretary for Relief Society at church, I’m taking 4 or 5 classes with a course-load of 10, I’m going to be the FRG president,  and I’m attempting to keep up with all my surveys because in a week I’ll be in Virginia and I’m going to need some extra spending money.

I’m going to be in Virginia for a month, separated from my husband. On the bright side, I’m going to get to see Jermahl, which is great because Druggie is trying to make it hard for me to talk to him. Unless of course, I pay for a 7-year-old’s cell phone when they have two working phones and 3 computers. They probably won’t let me Skype with him because the house is still filthy and they don’t want me to see it.

Anyway, non sequitur. I feel bad for Judas and Jesse. Judas will be away from his daddy and Jesse won’t have his wife or his kids. L He has this four-day weekend and I want to make it special. Unfortunately, a day and a half of it has been wasted. Claudia Joy would have already done something spectacular for General Holden. I pulled a Roxie and burned the bacon. Even Roland is better at being an Army wife than me.

Maybe I’ll let Jesse play Eveonline the rest of the weekend and Jude and I can watch the 4th season of Army Wives. Jude stops whatever he is doing when it comes on. It makes him do this, though:

He looks like Jesse more and more every day.

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