The Days After

Last Saturday, I announced I started my journey to quitting smoking. It has been interesting to say the least. I also did not stop smoking. I would make it to the end of the day, and then I would have a cigarette because…it was just too much. Jesse would get off work and come home all hot and irritated. I’d be irritated because I just spent the day with a crazy baby who likes to seize on people, so I’m watching him like a hawk. I’m stressed the heck out don’t judge me for smoking at the end of the day!! Sorry. It’s the lack of nicotine. It makes me cranky. Well, yesterday, I just knew that I was not completing my goal and it had almost been a week and I was still smoking. What to do…What to do…I know. I went to the store to pick up some things for Jess, but I lost the car keys, had a panic attack in the PX (I decided to forgo my Klonopin like a genius), and almost wound up walking home in 100 degree weather. Luckily, I found the keys. New plan: Occupy myself with the neighbors. My friend Emily has 3 adorable kids and she rocks so I figure I’d hang out with her all day. Well, her kids came over and played Kinect.

I don’t have permission to post pics of her yet.

 

She is a professional hair dresser, so she gave me a rocking new ‘do.

and my rocking ‘do

Unfortunately, Jesse didn’t like the new ‘do. So, if anyone would like to donate some baseball caps…let me know.

This is my unhappy face.

Anyway, he and I got in a huge argument, and some precious things were destroyed, my simmering self-esteem just one of the casualties. And I skipped the Klonopin that day, so there was no hippie to calm me down. Somehow, though, I managed to not smoke. Unfortunately, that sent me into some serious crying fits. Crying is not something I do. It was Thursday. It was also something I do Fridays, too.

I wasn’t really crying in this pic. I was just being dramatic. circa, like, 2 years ago.

Well, Friday, I took my meds. I managed to go the whole day without smoking, but I got really tired of crying, so I smoked a half a cigarette, stopped crying, and went about my day. Seriously, though, who knew quitting turned you into a cry baby. Today, I have a horrible migraine but Jesse has the day off, so I’ll be occupying myself with family time, if I can get him to wake up.

he’s still hot.

Happy Saturday, everyone!!!

Dang You, Day 1!!!

So I’ve been telling my friends and family for a while now that I’m going to quit smoking. The main reason I haven’t quit and stuck to it (because I’ve quit), is because of the AWFUL side effects of quitting smoking. Seriously, it feels like a lose-lose situation. On the one hand, I can continue to smoke, have zero stamina, and all will be right with the world. Every one will be alive. I just will never go on a jog without keeling over and I’ll continue to be a bad influence on my kids and other kids–because this smoker does NOT condone smoking (hypocrite much?)

On the other hand, I can quit. Quitting gradually has not helped because even when the dependency is gone, the addiction still exists. So while my body may not care, my mind is like, you would SMOKE in this situation. DO IT. I don’t wanna. :/ Quitting cold turkey turns me into Katie Kaboom.

I know you remember her…

On the other hand, I could—oh wait! I only have 2 hands. That’s half my problem. The problem with announcing you’re going to do something is that everyone expects you to be perfect at it. I can only quit for myself. Not everyone else. I can’t quit and be your poster-girl. I can’t quit and talk to your exasperating kids about why you should never start in the first place. I’m not going to the cancer ward to remind myself of what smoking does to my body and read old folks stories simultaneously. That will make me go through a whole pack in 5 minutes. I only have the minute I’m in to decide whether or not I’m going to smoke. I also have Klonopin.

Klonopin is an anti-anxiety medication which should help when I’m feeling especially murderous and need a cigarette. Unfortunately, it seems like Klonopin intensifies the side effects of quitting, but in a calm way. Confused? Let me help you.

When you quit smoking, you are exhausted.  It’s like your body goes into overdrive trying to find any semblance of nicotine it can, and in order to do that, you should probably be asleep. So I passed out all yesterday. Not to mention, Klonopin makes you sleepy the first couple of weeks you take it. So I was a zombie yesterday. It’s not good to be a zombie with a 5 month old.

You sweat. You sweat profusely. Normally, I’d just be lying in bed, drenched in my stinky sweat, praying it’s not time for him to nurse again. The Klonopin told my body in a proverbial hippie voice, “hey, maaan. You’re way too cool to sweat. Just hang out at the pores, and be like, metaphorical, you know?”  So my stupid sweat listened. Have you ever had that feeling? The feeling of sweat wanting to break through, but not being able to. It’ itchy, painful, annoying. It makes me want to smoke.

Then, there’s the mucus. All day long, you walk around with dry mouth and a throat full of curdled milk. Obviously, not really a throat full of curdled milk, but it feels like it. When it gets hocked up into a loogie, you try to spit it out, but this loogie is so voluminous that it doesn’t fly into the tissue or on the sidewalk. It lands on your chin. Or the part of your hand that isn’t covered by the tissue. And while this instance alone is enough to make me rage out, Klonopin is sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, “Hey maaaan. I know that pisses you off. And it should. But looook at it. It’s gross but kinda coool. Take a picture of it.” 
So those are the side effects so far. Sorry for the rambling. It’s just been that kind of day.

**Does anyone know of any helpful tips to make quitting easier?? Leave a comment!**

Thinking about it?

It is about the Day to Day thoughts we receive that can be accompanied with actions. I believe that the Holy Ghost doesn't only prompt us in big decision making but also in the very small ones. As we begin to note down the small daily prompting we receive, we begin to notice clearly what spiritual promptings are like and how they can be recognized in the huge decision processes. It is a learning process. One must understand the techniques of little addition and subtractions before understanding that of algebraic equations. My goal is to expressly apply the small daily inspirations I receive from the scriptures and or spontaneous inspirations into actions that can benefit me and others to becoming better children of a Heavenly Father. First think about it and act upon the will of God.

MARVA SEATON BLOG

EMPOWERING WOMEN, Relationships, Words of Hope and Inspiration

ON WINGS OF HOPE

Sharing Positive Thoughts, Poems and Words of Inspiration

Tackett shenanigans

Random excitement throughout two people's busy work lives.

Armyliving13's Blog

Just a glimpse of me...

poeticjourney251

LETTING GO, AND EMBRACING THE BETTER THINGS GOD HAVE FOR MY POETIC SOUL....